I categorize this first part of my history as the end of my childhood. Generally by going with the flow, competing inside of the general and understood social hiarchies without really questioning the underlying basis of the hiarchy. I believe I will always try to climb hiarchies - so that never changes, however my conscience choosing of WHICH hiarchies is absent. I remember these years as my most blissful. Youth, success and privilege.
I am an individual trying to win against other individuals. Its important for me to get good grades primarily to show my peers that I am smart and capable and hence will make a good ally - ie friends and love interests.
High school is my primary hiarchy. What group of friends will provide the most novel experiences? I jump between groups of friends in order to gain different experiences, but always in groups that are above the fold. For example it's hard for me to do musical theatre because I don't see members of that group enjoying a certain social advantage that athletic or student govt types do.
I play football (barely) - only play like 5 minutes in an actual varsity game primarily for social. I play tennis because I actually like to play and it rolls into ping pong, another game used to tell who is smart and capable.
I find that my best way to maintain my place in social hiarchy is to play the role of court jester. I joke, I rap at school, I pride myself on doing weird and silly things. Because being 1st in my own weird category is better than being 10th out of 200 in another category.
I often have crushes on girls that are involved with my friends. Jessica for instance was Dusty's gf first.
I digressed, to much in the weeds. I don't really think about a God much. God? Sure, if everyone else seems so certain of his existing then it benefits me socially to agree and go along with it, as a means to an end of gaining more favor in my social group and in love (girls I'm interested in only date return missionaries)
I go to church every week with my parents but I don't really have a strong conviction about it. It feels natural and it got me this far, so why not go further? I spend 2 years in my mission in Peru. That's when I like to think that I went through my Awakening.