Appendix 7
with Steve and Rich
QUESTION #1:
How would you handle a last-minute cancellation when you’ve blocked out two hours for a prospective client. Today I had a scheduled coaching session and just six minutes before the start time I received this text message from my client:
Something came up I need to reschedule our apt for today sorry RICH:
Start by reflecting on this from the inside-out. Ask yourself some high flame questions. Who would you have to be as a coach to have a client cancel at the last minute, by text message?
I put commitment front and center of any conversation I have with a potential client. I let them know what I am committed to. And I make really clear the kind of commitments I require in my clients.
You see, money is only one sign of commitment. My clients need to commit far more than just money to work with me. They need to commit time and energy and drive and focus. And more. They need to commit to taking action (even if they are afraid). They need to commit to being their word—or cleaning up (although they never need to apologize to me, for anything). They need to commit to being on time. And they need to commit to calling themselves out where they are out of integrity.
In the very first session with every new client, I spend up to two hours crafting clear and personalized Agreements. And, I have every new client listen to Steve Chandler’s audio called Expectation vs Agreement. So we create a world—from the very first time we work together—where they understand the power of clear agreements.
No one has to create your clients the way I do. But what is certain is that how your clients show up is a factor of how you create them.
Okay. Now having done your own Deep Inner Work, consider apologizing to your client. Sounds counterintuitive, right?
Apologize for not serving her the best way you could as her coach. Apologize for not introducing her to the concept of Agreements vs Expectations. Apologize to her for not showing up in the most powerful way you could. And then let her know that you won’t ever let her down like that again.
Craft really strong, clear agreements for the rest of your time coaching together. Offer her an extra session if you need to. Go deep. And ask her: where else in your life do you not have clear agreements? With your husband? Your kids? Your boss? Your employees? Your team? After all, “How we do ‘anything’ is how we do ‘everything.’”
This could be the most impactful coaching she ever receives, if you are willing to take her there. But begin from a vulnerable place by owning your own mistakes.
QUESTION #2
I met a potential client who emailed me to ask if we might set up a time for a “get acquainted” talk on the phone. I suggested a time and his response was, “I’m probably available. Click this link and go to my online calendar, and if that time is open, schedule our conversation.”
His online calendar (which showed a lot of openings) took me to a sign-up page. I was completely put off. Any suggestions as to what I could do next?
RICH:
This is classic Role Reversal: the attempt by a potential client to set the terms for how their coach will show up. The alternative is the Fearless Coaching approach: the willingness of the coach to be the boldest person in the room. At a moment like this, most coaches show up as needy and willing to do anything to please a potential client. Don’t do that. You are the valuable resource here. Help them to see that.
STEVE:
“Hey, I don’t want to get acquainted. I don’t want a new friend. I don’t want to get to know you. My work consists of helping people create wealth. Do you need help in that area or are you okay? If you need help, call me Tuesday at 10 EST and I will help you.”
QUESTION #3:
A client just cancelled five months of upcoming sessions, saying that she was happy with how our work had turned her life around and that she didn’t need more coaching for now.
She signed up for six months of coaching, but she’s fine with letting it go. So I’d appreciate ideas on how to encourage someone in this situation to open up to the possibility that there may be even greater breakthroughs down the line. Any suggestions?
STEVE:
It isn’t about encouraging her or persuading her or finessing her or manipulating her. That’s the old sales model of coaching-practice building that fails (but only always). It is about listening to her.
This client is like the person who cancels her gym membership because she’s “strong enough” already. You know she is covering for something. The question is whether I can find it in our final session. If so, I can help her with what she’s too afraid to bring up. I want to do a session that breaks all the rules and uncovers the thought that has kicked her out of heaven.
QUESTION #4:
Do you have experience coaching business owners in the IT industry? I was attempting to help a client with a big account that is a few months late in paying. He insists that in the IT industry there is a thirty-day window for an invoice getting paid and companies often pay late. He says this is how the IT industry works. Do you have any experience in coaching someone in the IT industry that would be useful for me to know in helping him to solve his problem?
RICH:
Refuse to buy into his story. Refuse to speak to anyone else in his industry. He doesn’t need another person who believes the story he already thinks is true. Challenge his way of seeing the world. It’s the biggest gift you could ever give him.
QUESTION #5:
My friends often ask me to coach them for free, or to exchange our services. What do you do in that situation?
RICH:
Yesterday, someone I know reached out to me with a request for coaching at no charge. He wanted to offer me Search Engine Optimization support in return. Here is my reply:
I am willing to support you. It will not be how you imagine. I am a coach. I am a powerful coach. For this reason I never coach for free. For you I am willing to make an exception. For a single powerful session. However, this is what I require of you if you wish to receive my support. My support will be to serve you, not to please you. My coaching is High Flame. In our conversations, I will not be your friend. I will be your coach. I will say things to you that no one else will say. I will hold nothing back. Our conversations will be professional. Not social. We will not discuss our kids, our relationships or our lives (except where they are directly relevant to your coaching). Everything we discuss I will keep confidential from people we know. Before we speak, answer the questions below and email me your answers. And if this doesn’t feel like a fit, please call it a clear no. My coaching is not for everyone.
QUESTION #6:
There are a ton of misconceptions in our field and the vast majority of new coaches never make it. What’s the number one reason why most coaches fail? And what’s the number one key to success as a coach?
STEVE:
The Key to Failure: taking yourself seriously. The Key to Success: taking your work seriously.